Movie Review: Bird Box

WHY THE ACTUAL (….) DID I WATCH IT?!

Hi lovelies,

Before we start, one thing you should know about me is that I absolutely cannot handle anything that remotely resembles horror. To give you an idea of how much horror is too much horror: I thought Scary Movie was legit one of the scariest things I’d ever seen. Also, mild spoilers ahead. I think. You’ve been warned.

So, why did I press play on Bird Box? The answer is simple: an overwhelming amount of comments online said: “it’s not a horror movie, it’s a thriller, it’s not even scary, bla bla bla.”

I started watching this movie at 09.00 in the morning, so I would have the whole day to get over it, in case I did actually find it scary. AND BOY AM I GLAD I GAVE MYSELF THE TIME. Because I am SHOOK. That was literally the most intense movie I’ve ever seen. There’s literally constant suspense, and the fear is palpable. Even though it was somewhat predictable, the suspense is REAL. I did not relax at any point during this movie and I think I need to watch 14 hours of Disney movies to get over it. And yes, I know I said “literally” twice, but I MEAN IT.

Also, let me just say that Sandra Bullock is absolutely fantastic. A little too fantastic. I felt everything she felt and that was WAY too much. Honestly, the movie probably wasn’t actually scary, but you can just feel all the fear the characters feel (especially Sandra Bullock’s character), which made it SO INTENSE. I think that’s what made the movie so good: the actors are all phenomenal. The plot is not unlike other post-apocalyptic movie plots, but because the actors really carried this over into “Melody will never sleep again” territory. So thanks for that.

As I don’t really watch horror/thriller movies, I have no idea how this compares to others in the genre (I still haven’t seen A Quiet Place), but damn. If y’all think this was bad and “not scary”… I can’t help you. And I never want to see the movies you do find scary. But I judge movies on three things: plot, acting, and cinematography. So without further ado:

• Plot: 7/10. It’s a little predictable and pretty standard post-apocalyptic story telling, but the idea was original to me.
• Acting: 10/10 for Sandy. Because damn, what a woman.
• Cinematography: 8/10. The part on the river in the fog? I haven’t recovered. Gorgeously shot, freaked me the (….) out.

Final verdict: 8.3/10. Watch it, but don’t do it alone, have ALL the lights on, and have Disney movies on standby.